Your First Internet Date - Where to Go, What to Do?

You found this person of interest by process of elimination while searching your Internet

dating site. You’re ready to ask this person of interest on a date. You have either rushed

the process and know next to nothing about them, or you may have courted them through a few emails and phone calls. You now have to decide where and how to meet on this first date.

Depending upon your tolerance, financial condition, and needs, you can make this a simple meet for coffee, a drink at a lounge, or a full-course dinner. The full dinner date is more impressive, but it offers a much better chance to learn all about this person, albeit at a more significant investment in both time and money.

If you can afford the dinner and are willing to take the gamble, go out for a nice evening and see what happens. Of course, if you meet this person and they turn out to be nothing like they told you, a.k.a., they looked nothing like the photo they posted on the dating site, you may have a most uncomfortable evening. That is why coffee dates are so popular. You meet. You treat (and even at Starbucks, what can it cost - $25!?). You may also enjoy the time together. If this is a dud of a date, big deal, you learned something about life, and you’ll get over it unless your date is a nut case serial killer.

The remote possibility that your date is a nut-case killer is what leads to the basic rule never to have the first date pick you up at your home. This applies to you guys, too. You don’t want to go to some stranger’s house and get abducted by her, her crazy boyfriend, or even her nutty mother. The world has become a very strange place, so you have to protect yourself.

On my very first Internet date, the young lady invited me to pick her up at her apartment

before going to dinner. I was new at this, and my son told me I was crazy. First, 'Why

dinner?" he scolded. And second, “What if she’s an axe murderer?” he admonished.

“Gee whiz. I never thought of that possibility.”

Nothing happened, but he was right. There are too many weird people out there. Not you

and me, but the others. You know.

Now that you realize the coffee date is preferred, you pick a safe place, preferably a

Starbucks. They are on every corner, so it makes for a great place to meet, though you

should avoid the Starbucks at the Bates Motel (a Psycho Move reference).

You pick a time, and you meet.

Now for the strategy of the meet: It makes sense to get there early and place yourself

outside in an inconspicuous place. Perhaps you can park near enough to see everyone

who enters, so you can determine who it is that you are going to meet. Now you can put

into place the geek escape plan. That’s right! If some goofball shows up, you may want

to call from your car and apologize for the last-minute cancellation, but “The London office has just called, and they are flying me out today for a six-month deal that I’ll

be brokering. Sorry. Gotta run.”

This is not the proper thing to do. You should probably go through with the date and

excuse yourself in 30 minutes. The problem is the “goodbye.” How do you tell this person

you are not interested? That’s for another post. You have to decide what you think is the

right thing to do now that you know about this geek escape plan.

There is another consideration. If you make a date with someone who reads this column,

they, too, may be parked strategically so they can see you when you enter the Starbucks.

Now it becomes a test of wills. Do you wait for them to surface, or do you call them to ask

where they are when you aren’t there either? See why dishonesty doesn’t pay?

Assuming no games are being played, you meet this person. Usually, they will look

something like their posted picture, and you can start by saying, “Are you Gloria?” That’s

it. You now order something and chat while you wait for your coffee and doughnut.

It may be old-fashioned, but the guy should pay. Be a sport!

You ladies can offer to split the bill, but if the guy goes along with the Dutch treat

suggestion, he’s not worth pursuing. Just pay your half of the bill, take your coffee and

doughnut to the ladies' room, and sneak out the window.

You may be fascinated with each other. Conversation comes easily, you have lots of

common interests, there is real empathy for one another, and you can't wait to hop into

bed. If so, you surely know there will be another date.

Then there are the borderline dates where you aren’t sure. That should be a sign to you

that this isn’t working, though women more than men are willing to give it another chance

or even a few chances to see if something develops. Personally, if there is no chemistry or at least a reasonable interest, don’t push it. Cut your losses and say goodbye. Of course, it’s never that easy to say goodbye. In our next episode, we shall discuss how to end the first date, whether you want to see this person again or not. If you can't wait to read more, go to my dating blog at: http://www.whoyoudating.com