How to End Your First Date
- Robert M. Fleisher
- Sep 2
- 4 min read
It’s never easy to say goodbye at the end of a first Internet date if you feel there is no
connection and you have a good heart. It is never nice to hurt the other person’s feelings, and you wouldn’t like it either if they didn't like you. That’s why there should be a universal way to say goodbye, like, “Let’s stay in touch,” with the implicit knowledge that this farewell means nothing, and you then wait and see if the person calls you or not. At least that makes it safer and kinder than being honest and saying, “I’m sorry, but there is no chemistry here, and I think it's best that we move on. Good luck in your search.”
After hearing how that sounds, it is probably best to just be honest like that; however, I can’t do it. You'll have to decide what works for you.
There are non-committal ways to say goodbye. You can put out your hand to shake and
say, “Thanks so much for spending time with me. See you around."
Well, that sure is non-committal, especially if you leave out the "see you around" line.
Next comes the vague, "what the hell does that mean," method of saying goodbye.
"Maybe we can do this again sometime. I’ll be in touch.”
The diplomatic goodbye is always a nice way to end the date with someone you are. not interested in: “Thanks for spending time with me today. I don’t want to mislead you,
but on the way over here today, I just heard from my old flame, and I think we are going to give it another try. I hope you understand.”
Yes, you lied, and this person could get testy for wasting their time if you knew you were
going back to another. That’s the chance you take when you lie.
You can also try, “I’m sorry. I’m not ready for this right now.”
Sure, it’s both vague and not truthful, but it lets you ride off into the sunset without guilt or obligation.
Much of this is said tongue-in-cheek. It is never easy to tell someone they are not the one. However, if you want to go for true honesty, try, “It was really nice getting to speak with you today. You are a really nice person; however, I just don’t think we are a good match, and I wish you the best in your search.”
That goodbye is nice, to the point, and truthful. Then why do you feel so uncomfortable with the truth? Nobody likes rejection, and unless you are the type of person who likes to fire people, the truth can be painful.
People often ask, “How come they never call me back even after saying they would?”
After all, they even said, “I had a really nice time, and how about if I call you again
sometime?” Then they never call.
When people never call back, it is usually because they didn’t like you as a date but couldn’t say that because they were trying to be nice.
There are actually many other reasons people don't call back after that first Internet date, such as they had actually gone back with their previous lover, or some other event had occurred (like they died on the way home from the date with you). Get over it and move on.
If things didn’t go well on this “first date”, you decide which of these approaches you want to use: honesty, the lie, the vague, or the evasive excuse.
Ideally, it is best to be kind without misleading the person. If they say, I really had a great time with you, and how about we get together again this Saturday night?” you have to be able to say, “I’m so sorry, but as nice as you are, I don’t feel that we are an ideal match. I’m
going to have to pass. But thanks, just the same.”
Now you know why you want to be at a public meeting place. You don’t want them to punch you, spit in your face, or abduct you upon hearing the bad news.
If you are the type of person who just can’t give the truth, go with the flow, accept their compliment, and when they say, "Can I call you again?" say, "Sure." Then you never pick up their calls and keep ignoring their messages, or when you do speak with them, that's when you tell them you went back with your old flame. This works well, and you are not facing them, so it all goes much more safely and easily.
If things went really well and if you are a good judge of life’s experiences, you can tell this person you’d like to get together, and they will gladly accept. You should be able to tell. You may even ask for a “next date.” If they accept, things are going good.
Something that can
work really well if you are not entirely sure if this person likes you and you do like them goes like this: "I had a really nice time with you. To avoid putting you on the spot, let's leave it that if you'd like to get together again, you give me a call." This is a cool way to leave it. You are leveling with the other person. If they really want to see you again, they can tell you right then and there, or they can think it over and call you back, or not, and no one is insulted.
Now that the date is done, the next big question is, do you go for the “kiss goodnight?"
We shall discuss this strategic move next time. See you then!
For much more detail about dating, get my book:
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