When to Have First Sex on an Internet Date
The subject of when to have “first sex” may seem gauche and much too forward, but let’s
face it, we all want and need to know when and how, so here we go!
You have now gone on at least one introductory date with this person you met on the Internet dating service of your
choice. You've said goodbye after this first date, and for this post, we will assume you didn't have sex at the Starbucks where you met, since they aren't well designed for such purposes.
Women more than men need to be concerned with the “first sex” issues because while we live in a “new world” where many women are as sexually permissive and forward as
men, most are not just looking for sex.
Women want relationships. So do men - well, some men, but many want the sex that comes with it.
You now have to figure out when and where you are going to have sex, if at all.
Remember, there are some people who are not interested in sexual relationships, especially some of the older people out there. They usually have signaled this either in their profile, where they say they are just looking for a friend or companion, or perhaps they mentioned this at the first date, so you would know that you are never calling them back if sex is your priority.
For the rest of us who are interested in a sexual relationship, you have to wonder: when is it appropriate to sleep with this person?
I hope you understand that this has nothing to do with being tired.
The answer lies with your values, desires, class, shyness, and mores, and
those of your partner.
If all you are interested in is a sexual relationship and conquest, you will try for the gold on the very next date. This is not an Olympic Gold reference. It's more of a sexual go-for-the-gold reference.
This is more commonly a man’s view and a young one at that. Older guys are often looking for more of a relationship, but don’t fool yourself, there are old lechers out there, too.
In order to avoid the disappointment of having a relationship with a lecher, playboy-type,
pay attention, ladies; you don’t want to hop into bed too fast.
The second date may be considered too fast for many ladies. Hey, if that’s all you want, go for it, but if you want a real relationship, hold out for at least the third or fourth date. This way you eliminate the biggest jerks that are trying to conquer the world and who will dump you right after they've climbed the mountain.
Most guys who are out for nothing more than sex will usually give up after two to three dates unless there is very heavy petting going on, in which case they will go for another date or two without sex.
If you are great in bed, they may stick around, but the guy just interested in sex is not likely a great relationship builder.
If a guy really likes being with you, he’ll put up with the wait.
Now keep in mind, he may never call you after the first sex, but don't fret. There could be
many reasons other than you weren’t good in bed, or he was only there for the conquest
(jerk).
He may have gone back to his old girlfriend. Hey, he may have had such a good time that he died on the way home from your house, and you never knew.
The same rules apply for you guys. If she sleeps with you and has no interest in taking
your calls again, any of those same reasons could apply.
Many people assume the worst when someone doesn’t call back, but that is not always the case.
If you have at least waited a few dates before sleeping with this person, you really
do improve your chances of a relationship.
So how many dates before sex?
As a rule of penis (this is like the rule of thumb used in other situations), it makes sense to wait three to four dates if you are in your fifties and sixties, two to three dates if you are in your thirties and forties, and if you are in your twenties, have sex at the Starbucks. Since the couches are in plain view, you can “do it” in the bathroom.
You may notice that mores and values have changed rapidly over the years, which explains this disparity.
If someone stops calling you because you didn’t sleep with them on the second or third date, do you really think this was a relationship in the making?
Just because you aren’t having sex on these early dates doesn’t mean you can’t make
out – you know, kiss and touch toward that ultimate goal of sex.
Don’t be surprised to find people out there who will not sleep with you until you make a
commitment. A commitment can be as simple as saying you will date them exclusively, or as involved as getting engaged, or getting married.
There is even the possibility that you can have sex if you are willing to pay lots of money or buy fabulous gifts. Please understand this phenomenon goes by a different name called prostitution, which is often found to cost less than marriage, but with no commitment.
Yes, there are still those out there who will not entertain having sex unless it is done under the auspices of holy matrimony. There is nothing wrong with this level of morality unless it’s not what you want.
It is always best to be clear about sex early on, even at the first meeting, if not on a phone call, really early on in the process. If you aren't proactive about telling your date about your sexual schedule, it usually comes up while making out, and one party doesn’t
want to do certain things sexually.
Some of you hope that by not being up front about your refusal to have sex early on, this person will learn to love you before sex comes up, and they'll then stick around until marriage.
While that may happen, as in a Disney movie, it's not all that likely in a world where sex is much easier to find with many willing partners.
Always respect the needs, wants, and desires of those you date. Never force
yourself on your date unless you are a plunderer from an invading nation.
Now go back out there and decide when and where you will add the beauty and intimacy of sex to your relationship.
If you can't wait for more information, go to my blog:
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